Delight Yourself in the Lord

I decided to take up Shalee's challenge and write about an answered prayer. This idea originated from an April 4th post on GiBee's site. I've thought about this for several days and you know what I've found? I was so overwhelmed thiking about answered prayers that I had to narrow it down to one prayer. Maybe my own little brain can only juggle one thought at a time. (Then again, I suppose juggling implies more than one thought. But I digress.)

I must preface this in a similar way that Shalee did and say that I am not claiming to be a super-holy got-it-all-together kind of gal in writing about this prayer. It is intended to be a testimony of the faithfulness of God.

When JJ and I had been married for about 5 years, we started trying to have kids. After a year had gone by with no results, I began to see a fertility specialist. I did the whole fertility med-thing and the monthly visits to the doctor. After artificial insemination failed, that was, ultimately, the end of the treatments. It was at that point that our insurance stopped paying for any infertility procedures and it was the end of my ability to cope with the whole thing as well. The meds were making me too emotional and I felt I was unable to deal with every day stuff.

Of course, the whole time we were going through this, we prayed for a baby. We were a part of a young marrieds ministry at church where my friends were popping out babies left and right. I found out that one of my former middle school students was pregnant at the age of 13. We heard on the news about children who were mistreated all the time. I was crying out to the Lord on a regular basis. I just wanted to scream at Him, "HOW IS THIS FAIR? How can you allow the mistreatment of your babies in unfit homes when you know we would provide a loving, Christian home?"

We always knew there was the option of adoption. I had always wanted to adopt, even if we had been able to have our own children. As time went on, we saw that the timing was just not right and I continued to pray and struggle with our situation.

I believe it was about the time that we decided to "take a break" from fertility treatments that our good friends invited us to join their missions team to Tanzania. JJ and I both knew that this was what we were being called to do. We had never thought about missions in Africa and had, several years earlier, told a missionary who was encouraging us to go there that Africa was just not for us. Then I began to understand Psalm 37:4 which says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." He did not do this by giving us what WE wanted, but by changing our heart's desire to HIS heart's desire. And he was not finished with this process, as we would soon see.

So we dropped everything and began pursuing Africa. We did not give up on the idea of having children. In fact, we then began dreaming of adopting a Tanzanian child. The path to Africa has not been as direct or short a path as we would have chosen. But over this time, God has worked on us in many ways, molding and shaping us as indivduals and strengthening us as a couple. Because of this, our perspective on having children has changed as well.

I have always pictured myself as a very active part of JJ's ministry to the Sukuma tribe in Tanzania, working with the women and being by his side every step of the way. The other women on our team, who have been there for several years, have been unable to do this because of their children. Each family has 3 children and it just has not worked for them to go out to the very rural, remote areas which have no electricity, plumbing, etc.

So as God worked on us, his will seemed to take shape. I could minister much more effectively without children. In the history of our churches in the area, there has never been a ministry to the Sukuma women. In a culture where there are very clear boundaries between the sexes, only a woman could do the kind of ministry which is really necessary among the female population. In our case, God's answer to my prayer for a baby was, in one sense, a "no", but as Beth Moore says, if God says "no" it's because there is a bigger "YES". And the thought that God could use me in this way to serve a population that is so neglected and yet so precious is the biggest "YES" that I can imagine.

What a blessing that the Lord has given us contentment with exactly where we are. And now I can honestly say that not having children is not a sacrifice or a burden that we have to bear. It's a choice that we have made and we joyfully commit ourselves to the work that we believe that God has entrusted to us.